


Death Is Home

by DontGetTooCloseItsDarkInside



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Hanging, Last Thoughts, Suicide, Triggers for Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-24 04:33:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1591835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontGetTooCloseItsDarkInside/pseuds/DontGetTooCloseItsDarkInside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For once Nico di Angelo was selfish and he did what he wanted to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death Is Home

**Author's Note:**

> this is what happens when I'm depressed, I cried while writing it so feel free to scream at me.

Its very cliche, killing yourself over love and everything.

Nico decides he doesn't care if its cliche

he doesn't care if people think he's weak

he doesn't care if people will be sad for a week before moving on from him.

For once in his life, Nico di Angelo does something that he wants to do

and that's to end his own life.

And he decides he's not going out without a bang. He wants them to feel pain, who exactly, he's not sure. The gods? No not them, he doesn't care about them. The campers of New Rome and Camp Half Blood? Yes, kind of, he wants them to feel pain for rejecting him as a child, for always treating him badly except for when he was saving their asses. The seven? does he want them to feel pain? No, not Hazel. And he has to admit, he doesn't want Jason to hurt either. But Leo? Piper? Frank? when have they ever been kind to him? All they ever did was judge him from a distance because he didn't go around smiling like the world was perfect with rainbows coming out of his ass. He doesn't want them to feel pain per say, but if they do he doesn't care. Annabeth and Percy? Yeah, he'll admit, he wants them to hurt. 

Especially Percy.

He just wants him to feel a mere fraction of the pain he always made Nico feel. Though really, will Percy care? He's ignored Nico since he was a kid and only called him a friend when it was convenient for him. He promised Bianca he would take care of Nico, but he lied, he lied to her like all those times he lied to Nico. Percy has never, ever kept a promise he made him, even after all he had done for him. 

He loves Percy Jackson, he'll admit it, he's loved Percy Jackson since the moment he met him and he'll love him for the rest of his shortening life and even after death he'll probably love him. But nothing can hurt in death, he knows that, in Elysium the things that hurt you on earth no longer make you feel anything.

Besides, now that he thinks about it, all his friends, his real friends, Selina and Charlie and Ethan and Michael, the people who now understood him and accepted him because they now knew death, they were all down in Elysium and he would get to be with them all the time. And he....he would get to be with his mother, his mother who his father has kept hidden from him for so many years. 

Hazel has people who care about her, she has friends and a makeshift family, he knows she'll be okay, the thought of that alone makes him feel totally at piece with his decision.

He thinks briefly of Reyna as he ties the rope up on a tree at the center of camp. They had gotten very close on their trip back to Long Island, and she was his friend, maybe his best friend in the mortal world besides Jason. He never thought that would happen, but it did, and he feels guilty for leaving her.

But he cant take it anymore, living with the pain everyday, of hiding who he is, being scared to be who he is, of never being accepted or appreciated, of never, ever having the chance to be with Percy Jackson, whom he loves so much and he knows if he doesn't do this he'll love til his dying day anyways, so why string out all that pain into years when it can be done with in minutes?

For once, Nico di Angelo is selfish, and for once he doesn't care how his decision will hurt anyone, especially not Percy. Percy doesn't deserve to have Nico love him, not in his red rimmed eyes as he balances himself up on a branch, the rope clasped in his hands, tears slip down his cheeks, but he isn't afraid, he welcomes death, death is home, death is were he always really belonged. 

He isn't happy, but...maybe he does care just a little. About whom he's leaving behind. He sighs, because he knows in the long run they'll be better without him. Jason will no longer have to worry about him and neither will Hazel, and she wont have to be burdened with with having a hated freak for a brother, because everyone loves Hazel.

He wonders briefly, bitterly, why everyone could love Hazel but not him.

He had never been mean or unfair or cruel, so why didn't anyone like him? Because he liked the shadows? Because he didn't smile at everyone? Because he didn't go around telling his life story and secrets? Because of who his father is? Its pitiful, their all pitiful. Maybe he is too.

He pulls up the sleeves of his jacket a little and then slings the rope around his neck, taking his hair out from where its caught. 

As he peers over the edge of the branch, were the sky glistens down on him navy blue and silver and the grass looks almost black, he hopes his neck will snap when he jumps.

He had thought long and hard on how he would end his own life, poison? pills? a knife? jumping off a bridge or cliff? Drowning himself?

The blood who have been to much for Hazel.

He didn't want to die in the water, the water had controlled him since he was ten years old and his sister was still alive and he didn't want to ever think about it again. 

He wished he could have told his sister he loved her one last time.

He wished he could have said thank you to Jason.

He wished he had made Reyna promise to stay strong.

He wished he could have said 'please be mine' to Percy.

He wished he could have said sorry.

The last thing he ever heard was the sound of his own neck breaking.  
......

In the morning, the silence of Camp Half Blood was broken by screams coming from Percy Jackson, Jason Grace, Hazel Levesque, and Reyna Avila Ramirez Arellano, the last four people he had loved and had left behind.


End file.
